Have you ever wondered why you keep ending up with abusive, narcissistic type people?
Clients have often described how they feel like they attract the wrong people or they must have a sign on them that attracts narcissistic people. Do you rack your brains trying to find out what it is about you that attracts such people?
Well one possible answer is that you might be an empath.
Empaths and narcissists attract each other and fit together like hand and glove. Even though it is an uncomfortable, abusive and unhappy experience for you, you still somehow keep ending up still end in these relationships.
Abdul Saad, a psychologist from Australia has his own understanding on this phenomenon. Below is a link to his talk about the empath in this dynamic and in particular focussing on the Empaths inner beliefs that keep them stuck.
Click here to view the video on YouTube.
Click here for a link to the EMDR International Associations explanation
Abuse is not just violence it can take many forms. these include…
- Physical Violence
- Verbal Aggression (Shouting Swearing)
- Controllling and Coercive Behaviour
- Emotional Abuse (Denying your emotional Response)
- Mental Abuse (Labelling you, name calling, confusing you)
- Sexual Abuse (any sexual act against you will)
- Financial Abuse (Controlling or denying you money)
- Spiritual Abuse (E.g. using the fear of god to control you) …. and more
Some people have some traits which make it hard to be in relationship with them and still be yourself. Narcissists, Psychopaths and Sociopaths are difficult to spot but have very similar traits. These traits include.
- Lack of Self Awareness … therefore they don’t understand the impact they have on others
- Lack of empathy… will often tell you your feelings are wrong
- Self-rightiousness… they never say sorry.
- An inflated sense of importance…
- A need to control and have things on their own terms
- Unable to tolerate difference or different views
This kind of abuse is particularly difficult to understand. When we are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits life becomes very confusing and we can feel very isolated.
The abuse experienced is often emotional and mental abuse… the nature of this kind of abuse makes it very hard for you to understand what happened. How did things go from a deeply loving relationship (people often fall in love with people with these traits very quickly and deeply) to constant arguments or not being able to get thing right? It seems you are always at fault and getting things wrong.
If you have been in this type of confusing relationship there is help at hand. Here are links to two websites that offer support and understanding…
Thrive after Abuse.com
These are not the only websites and you should explore such matters further to make your own decision.
Below is an excellent link to a short talk from Brene Brown. She eloquently describes how some of us are primed to seek to blame others and how that habit keeps us stuck.
Please click here to watch the video
This is one of Brene Brown’s latest talks and well worth listening to.
Brene identifies the impact that shame and fear have on our lives and our ability to connect with others. In her talk she also identifies what the antidote is to this.
Follow this link to view the video
Depression is one of those things that is sometimes really hard to understand. People sometimes judge a person negatively when they have depression if they don’t understand.
I am often asked … “What can I do to help someone experiencing depression?”
If you want to know more about supporting someone with depression then I recommend you read a book called “Living with a black dog” by Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone. The term “black dog” was first coined by the Roman poet Horace and later adopted by Winston Churchill to describe his own depression. “Living with a black dog” is a great book and is aimed and helping those who want know how to help someone with depression.
If you want to know more about depression, then Matthew and Ainsley Johnstone have also written “I had a black dog”.
These books have now been converted into a short video on YouTube…
Click here to watch Living with a black dog on video
Click here to watch I had a black dog on video