Have you ever wondered why you keep ending up with abusive, narcissistic type people?
Clients have often described how they feel like they attract the wrong people or they must have a sign on them that attracts narcissistic people. Do you rack your brains trying to find out what it is about you that attracts such people?
Well one possible answer is that you might be an empath.
Empaths and narcissists attract each other and fit together like hand and glove. Even though it is an uncomfortable, abusive and unhappy experience for you, you still somehow keep ending up still end in these relationships.
Abdul Saad, a psychologist from Australia has his own understanding on this phenomenon. Below is a link to his talk about the empath in this dynamic and in particular focussing on the Empaths inner beliefs that keep them stuck.
Click here to view the video on YouTube.
Click here for a link to the EMDR International Associations explanation
Abuse is not just violence it can take many forms. these include…
- Physical Violence
- Verbal Aggression (Shouting Swearing)
- Controllling and Coercive Behaviour
- Emotional Abuse (Denying your emotional Response)
- Mental Abuse (Labelling you, name calling, confusing you)
- Sexual Abuse (any sexual act against you will)
- Financial Abuse (Controlling or denying you money)
- Spiritual Abuse (E.g. using the fear of god to control you) …. and more
Some people have some traits which make it hard to be in relationship with them and still be yourself. Narcissists, Psychopaths and Sociopaths are difficult to spot but have very similar traits. These traits include.
- Lack of Self Awareness … therefore they don’t understand the impact they have on others
- Lack of empathy… will often tell you your feelings are wrong
- Self-rightiousness… they never say sorry.
- An inflated sense of importance…
- A need to control and have things on their own terms
- Unable to tolerate difference or different views
This kind of abuse is particularly difficult to understand. When we are in a relationship with someone who has narcissistic traits life becomes very confusing and we can feel very isolated.
The abuse experienced is often emotional and mental abuse… the nature of this kind of abuse makes it very hard for you to understand what happened. How did things go from a deeply loving relationship (people often fall in love with people with these traits very quickly and deeply) to constant arguments or not being able to get thing right? It seems you are always at fault and getting things wrong.
If you have been in this type of confusing relationship there is help at hand. Here are links to two websites that offer support and understanding…
Thrive after Abuse.com
These are not the only websites and you should explore such matters further to make your own decision.
Below is an excellent link to a short talk from Brene Brown. She eloquently describes how some of us are primed to seek to blame others and how that habit keeps us stuck.
Please click here to watch the video
I have just watched a really interesting video, posted on the Lifevise site by a lady called Heather Gray. It is surprisingly uplifting and shows how our regrets in life are interestingly universal.